Posts Tagged ‘counseling’
My soon to be wife insists on premarital counseling. Are we doomed before we even start?
I get this question so often and I know that most people think just like you are thinking right now. If we have to start out in counseling that could be a really bad sign. The answer to you is no you are not doomed already.
Premarital counseling is really about trying to find out where your strengths are so that you can rely on those strengths when things get tough. Premarital counseling, of course, is also about finding areas that need improvement.
When you find strengths in a relationship and you build on those further it will help you to survive the tough times. I think we all know that relationships have their share of tough times and knowing how to communicate better, knowing how to help your partner through the rough spots, and how to talk to your partner makes the tough times just a little bit easier.
There are also things you may find in premarital counseling that you just can’t agree on or find that you have very different opinions on. That doesn’t mean your relationship is “doomed.” It means that you have a choice to become a life partner with someone that you don’t necessarily see eye-to-eye with on some subjects, but you gain the skills on how to deal with the differences. Or, there have been occasions where there is just no compatibility and people have decided to seperate. These are people who have no similar interesst in life or their relationship and have no desire to work on it or find a better way for the relationship to survive. That happens very infrequently.
If you have interest in premarital counseling, take a look at centerofsolutions.net premarital counseling section. If you have questions, please feel free to email at centerofsolutions@ymail.com
Communicating in the Tough Times
Effective communication includes the following:
Equal amounts of talking and listening
Paying attention to what others are telling you
Stays on track with your current feeling
Remains open and accepting
Expresses your thoughts honestly, leaving no hidden meanings
Asks for what you want and why
Clarifies for you and the other person exactly what you are feeling.
Those are a few of the basic ground rules for successful communication. We will discuss more tips for successful communication in our upcoming blogs.
Is Life Beating You Up?
It is easy to believe that we have no control over our lives. Life either treats us good or bad and we have no control over what happens. “It’s not fair!” “Life sucks!” “Poor me.” “Why did that happen to me?”
Maybe the bigger question should be…. How am I treating “my” life? For some reason we all think that life is just supposed to treat us with respect and that we have no obligation in determining how our life flows.
I challenge you to monitor your self- talk for a day or two and I bet you will hear complaints and grievances against life. Maybe you will find that your self-talk is actually talking you into holding on to the unfair things that have happened in the past with no real solutions to move beyond the negativity.
Let’s switch that self talk around to understanding that everyone has been wronged at some point in life. We have all been unjustly treated. When we hold onto the “bad” we are trying to make ourselves “right” rather than learning, growing and moving on. Holding onto the bad is demeaning to ourselves and serves no purpose in moving forward in life.
Choose to believe that life is precious. There is no one living who hasn’t been challenged in one way or another. Instead of harboring and holding onto the “unfairness” of life let’s turn that around and ask ourselves what we can learn from the experience. Where do I go from here? How do I move on from this? The answers are within you and there are plenty of solutions waiting for you to try…. but you have to let go of the negative and switch over to the positive side of life.
Life will go on and you will keep flowing through life. You have a choice. Enjoy life living in solutions or let life take you on a path of listening to your negative thoughts. When you choose a life of solutions you choose to treat your life with respect. So when someone asks you, “How is life treating you?” You can answer, “I am treating my life with respect and living in solutions.” I bet they haven’t heard that one before!
