Center of Solutions | Individual, Couples and Family Therapy Services

Children and Violence

Kathy Garber — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 16:21:04 +0000

By Kate Kelland
LONDON | Mon Dec 5, 2011 12:03pm EST
(Reuters) – Children exposed to family violence show the same pattern of activity in their brains as soldiers exposed to combat, scientists said on Monday.
In a study in the journal Current Biology, researchers used brain scans to explore the impact of physical abuse or domestic violence on children’s emotional development and found that exposure to it was linked to increased activity in two brain areas when children were shown pictures of angry faces.
Previous studies that scanned the brains of soldiers exposed to violent combat situations showed the same pattern of heightened activity in these two brain areas — the anterior insula and the amygdala — which experts say are associated with detecting potential threats.
This suggests that both maltreated children and soldiers may have adapted to become “hyper-aware” of danger in their environment, the researchers said.
“Enhanced reactivity to a…threat cue such as anger may represent an adaptive response for these children in the short term, helping keep them out of danger,” said Eamon McCrory of Britain’s University College London, who led the study.
But he added that such responses may also be underlying neurobiological risk factor which increases the children’s susceptibility to later mental illness like depression.
Depression is already a major cause of mortality, disability, and economic burden worldwide and the World Health Organization predicts that by 2020, it will be the second leading contributor to the global burden of disease across all ages.
Childhood maltreatment is known to be one of the most potent environmental risk factors linked to later mental health problems such as anxiety disorders and depression.
A study published in August found that found that people who suffered maltreatment as children were twice as likely as those who had normal childhoods to develop persistent and recurrent depression, and less likely to respond well or quickly to treatment for their mental illness.
McCrory said still relatively little is known about how such early adversity “gets under the skin and increases a child’s later vulnerability, even into adulthood.”
In the study, 43 children had their brains scanned using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). Twenty of the children who were known to have been exposed to violence at home were compared with 23 who had not experienced family violence.
The average age of the maltreated children was 12 years and they had all been referred to local social services in London.
When the children were in the scanner they were shown pictures of male and female faces showing sad, calm or angry expressions. The researchers found that those who had been exposed to violence showed increased brain activity in the anterior insula and amygdala in response to the angry faces.
“We are only now beginning to understand how child abuse influences functioning of the brain’s emotional systems,” McCrory said. “This research…provides our first clues as to how regions in the child’s brain may adapt to early experiences of abuse.”
(Editing by Paul Casciato)
HEALTH

My soon to be wife insists on premarital counseling. Are we doomed before we even start?

Kathy Garber — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 15:15:39 +0000

I get this question so often and I know that most people think just like you are thinking right now. If we have to start out in counseling that could be a really bad sign. The answer to you is no you are not doomed already.

Premarital counseling is really about trying to find out where your strengths are so that you can rely on those strengths when things get tough. Premarital counseling, of course, is also about finding areas that need improvement.

When you find strengths in a relationship and you build on those further it will help you to survive the tough times. I think we all know that relationships have their share of tough times and knowing how to communicate better, knowing how to help your partner through the rough spots, and how to talk to your partner makes the tough times just a little bit easier.

There are also things you may find in premarital counseling that you just can’t agree on or find that you have very different opinions on. That doesn’t mean your relationship is “doomed.” It means that you have a choice to become a life partner with someone that you don’t necessarily see eye-to-eye with on some subjects, but you gain the skills on how to deal with the differences. Or, there have been occasions where there is just no compatibility and people have decided to seperate. These are people who have no similar interesst in life or their relationship and have no desire to work on it or find a better way for the relationship to survive. That happens very infrequently.

If you have interest in premarital counseling, take a look at centerofsolutions.net premarital counseling section. If you have questions, please feel free to email at centerofsolutions@ymail.com

Communicating in the Tough Times

Kathy Garber — Fri, 27 May 2011 17:04:12 +0000

Effective communication includes the following:

Equal amounts of talking and listening
Paying attention to what others are telling you
Stays on track with your current feeling
Remains open and accepting
Expresses your thoughts honestly, leaving no hidden meanings
Asks for what you want and why
Clarifies for you and the other person exactly what you are feeling.

Those are a few of the basic ground rules for successful communication. We will discuss more tips for successful communication in our upcoming blogs.

My teen is showing signs of anger. Help?!

Kathy Garber — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 01:25:37 +0000

We all know the teen year are very tough years. Even more challenges face our teens today than ever before. Teens have it tough.

Talk to your son or daughter. I know what you are thinkng…. “have you ever tried to talk with a teenager?” I know that talking to teens can be difficult, but I challenge you to sit down and talk with him/her. They might give you a rough time and act like they don’t appreciate your conversation, but they do. Know what is going on in your teen’s life. Know their friends. Know their schedule. Know where they are at all times.

Provide structure and rules in your home and stick with those rules and guidelines. Teens are secure when they know the rules. They might not always like the rules, but they do appreciate your rules.

If you feel as though you are getting no where with your teen, there are plenty of resources in your community for counseling and therapy. Teens will sometimes open up to someone other than yourself. That’s okay. You don’t always want to talk openly to a loved one about what is bothering you either. Nothing personal.

Or, you might try an online anger management program such as angermanagementonline.com. We have a teen class that is completely online and affordable. Teens love the online format. They like the online format because they can be comfortable to express themselves in an environment that is anonymous. No one is judging them and there are like minded people taking the class.

You might also consider an anger evaluation for your teen. An anger evaluation will get to the point of finding out if there is a true anger problem and get your teen on a treatment plan to successfully express themselves. angerevaluation.com

There is hope and help available. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Can my marriage be saved?

Kathy Garber — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 16:43:19 +0000

I get that question often and I think that most marriages can be saved if there are two people who are willing to work on it. I also believe that most marriages are worth saving simply because the problems are solvable. Research shows that the number one reason for divorce is lack of communication. Not physical abuse or addiction, but rather lack of communication. Surprising isn’t it?

Why not consider marriage therapy or counseling before divorce? Most people I talk with tell me that their hold up in coming to therapy to save their marriage is they don’t want to talk about their feelings or bring up past history over and over again.
Talking about the past or the same problems over and over again is difficult and most times unproductive. The answer to having a good therapy experience is to find a therapist who you click with and someone who shares your same goal. If you are looking for solutions in your marriage you might want to try a solution focused therapist.

A solution focused therapist really looks at your strengths as a couple. A solution focused therapist will help you to understand what you are doing right and how to do more of the same. While it is important to understand the dynamics of your relationship it is also just as important to move toward solutions rather than rehashing the same thing over and over.

At the centerofsolutions.net we practice brief, solution focused therapy. Whether you need one session, 3-4 sessions or you need someone every now and then to talk to about your marriage we are just a phone call away. We also offer couples evaluations. Each of you will log on and complete your evaluation separately and then we compile the information to see your strengths and weaknesses. The evaluation cuts to the chase and puts us on a treatment plan in the right direction for your marriage.

If you are looking for solutions in your marriage, give us a call at centerofsolutions.net We know what you want and we are here to help you get what you need.

Anger Evaluation for Teens

Kathy Garber — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 01:12:44 +0000

Now offering anger evaluations for teens. Visit www.angerevaluation.com

Anger Management Online Support Group

Kathy Garber — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 19:25:57 +0000

We are looking for people who would like a safe place to discuss anger with others who are also looking for positive solutions for anger. We are offering this as a service of angermanagementonline.com. Come and join, invite your family and friends. We would like to add some live discussion groups if your interest is there. We look forward to seeing you online. Come to angermanagementonline.com and join us.

Is Life Beating You Up?

Kathy Garber — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 18:02:17 +0000

It is easy to believe that we have no control over our lives. Life either treats us good or bad and we have no control over what happens. “It’s not fair!” “Life sucks!” “Poor me.” “Why did that happen to me?”
Maybe the bigger question should be…. How am I treating “my” life? For some reason we all think that life is just supposed to treat us with respect and that we have no obligation in determining how our life flows.
I challenge you to monitor your self- talk for a day or two and I bet you will hear complaints and grievances against life. Maybe you will find that your self-talk is actually talking you into holding on to the unfair things that have happened in the past with no real solutions to move beyond the negativity.
Let’s switch that self talk around to understanding that everyone has been wronged at some point in life. We have all been unjustly treated. When we hold onto the “bad” we are trying to make ourselves “right” rather than learning, growing and moving on. Holding onto the bad is demeaning to ourselves and serves no purpose in moving forward in life.
Choose to believe that life is precious. There is no one living who hasn’t been challenged in one way or another. Instead of harboring and holding onto the “unfairness” of life let’s turn that around and ask ourselves what we can learn from the experience. Where do I go from here? How do I move on from this? The answers are within you and there are plenty of solutions waiting for you to try…. but you have to let go of the negative and switch over to the positive side of life.
Life will go on and you will keep flowing through life. You have a choice. Enjoy life living in solutions or let life take you on a path of listening to your negative thoughts. When you choose a life of solutions you choose to treat your life with respect. So when someone asks you, “How is life treating you?” You can answer, “I am treating my life with respect and living in solutions.” I bet they haven’t heard that one before!

Question of the Week: How do I know if I have an anger problem?

Kathy Garber — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 19:28:50 +0000

I get this question a lot when someone thinks they may have an issue with anger. If you are asking the question, my first thought is there is probably something going on in your life that is making you question yourself and your behavior.

A few quick questions to ask yourself:

Are others in your life telling you that you have a problem with anger?

Are co-workers asking you to look into your behavior?

Do you feel okay about the way you represent yourself in the world?

Do you think there are better ways to handle your emotions, but you aren’t sure where to begin?

These are just a few of the many questions you can ask yourself to better understand if you need help managing your anger.

Anger management is really about so many things. People are often surprised when they take my anger management class and they realize that anger management is more than just learning new behaviors.

Because anger is a secondary emotion we know that something is usually happening first to trigger the anger. That is the key component in anger management. What is happening first to create the secondary emotion of anger?

If you are questioning yourself if you may have a problem with anger then you probably could learn some new ways of looking at your emotions and behavior.

Find an anger management class that you feel comfortable taking. It could be an online class or face-to-face counseling. Which ever learning style is better for you is the right place for you. At angermanagementonline.com we offer several different online classes as well as face-to-face and telephone counseling. We also offer an anger evaluation you can take in your own home.

If you are asking yourself about anger chances are you need help. Reach out and find the help you need so that you can grow in your life and move on in positive solutions.

What happens to your body when you feel angry?

Kathy Garber — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:11:55 +0000

When you experience anger your body goes into a fight or flight response. Chemicals are released into your bloodstream to prime you up for the fight or help you flee the situation. These powerful chemicals cause your body to undergo extreme changes.